Hello 21/Goodbye 21.
My twenty-first.
Happy Birthday to me.
I sincerely thank you to those few who cared and bothered about it.
And as from now, birthdays to me are just meaningless.
(Source: bbyoonnk, via yang-pyong8990)
(Source: kristenisafaggot, via fuckyeahhappy)
I can’t find my place.
Not even, not even my mum is going to celebrate my birthday because she needs to work due to chinese new year season. Everything couldn’t have been better. Closest people don’t even bother. I’m trying to understand, I am really trying so hard not to lose myself. Just when i though i am going to be fine with my emotions, things always happens to bring it down worser than before. I wished someone could tell me what to do. Help me, help me. Facades.
It’s so painful, so painful that I really wished that I can just die so that i don’t need to feel this scrutinizing pain over and over again.
죽고싶단말밖에
Some choose to leave this place because they are tired of everything. Some Just left because it was their only way to escape. Some left with no regrets. Some still chosed to leave even though they still have many concerns. Thoughts came and go, came again, and go again. I was left hanging here alone, trying to hold myself together again just like the many times I did in the past years. I thought I could, but I realised I couldn’t. I’m struggling everyday since then. Trying to squeeze out smiles and laughter that’s making me feel so fake and disgusted. It gets worse and worse as the days passed by. I don’t know what I should and could actualy do to feel better. A lot of times I thought to myself that maybe if I let go everything and leave this place, will everything be better. Letting everything go would give myself the freedom that I wanted for so long. I feels relieved everytime I thinks about it. But also feels guilty at the same time, asking myself “Am I being selfish?”
I wished leaving could be easy.
Although I know this is wrong
I know that every family there’s their own existing problem.
But I always get this little envious feeling whenever I see other families.
The love and care that are being given and received.
Not that I didn’t receive any, but to me these loves given to me are sometimes, or most of the times, rather hard to accept.
So I turned myself to the fictional world.
Because, I don’t get hurt as much as I do in the real world.
